Okay, there are many reasons why I should keep up with my livejournal.
1. a healing tool
2. a venting tool
3. a time occupier (sp?)

okay so maybe there aren't a lot of reasons, but i think they are valid enough right??

this might be a huge update, or it could be a small update, let me prepare you. lets start with the general overview....

I hate not being in school. I feel like a lazy ass and I really really and I mean really hate Uxbridge with every bone in my body. I don't think that I can explain to you in words about how much I loath it here. I was all set in North Carolina, everything was more or less perfect. I had my house, I had school, I had my friends, I had my dog, I had my job, and most importantly, I had my independence. Coming home makes me feel like I don't have any of that. It's all pretty much bullshit. I live under my parents roof which means my parents rules. They really aren't that bad thinking about them, I am just soooo use to the independence that I had. Makes me super sad. Really the only good thing about being home is Steve. Lately it has been tough. I feel like I am doing everything wrong with him. He may not think so and it may just be my own issues in my own head, who knows. He has gotten genuinely mad at me 4 times in two weeks. It's all over little things, but those little things are a big deal to me. I know he loves me with all of his heart, I just wish i could make him understand some of the things going on in my head. Like last night, he had two girls in his room. It wasn't the two girls that were bothering me (despite popular belief) it was more the fact that he could have those girls. In my head, I instantly think to myself that those girls are probably great, beautiful, skinny, etc. Why would he want to settle with a girl that is broken?? I guess i am not broken, but after everything, i sure do feel like it. Whatever though, I guess that is what counseling is going to be for. Which brings me to my next thought.... GAH COUNSELING! I am not excited about it one bit. I have pushed back the appointment 4 times already. I am scared and I feel like I dont have anyone to hold my hand. I really need someone to hold my hand. Maybe Emily will come with me tomorrow since i am going with her to teeth doctor. Who knows. PS for all who is reading, I am not going to counseling because I am crazy. If you know why, than you know why. PERIOD EXCLAMATION POINT.

Today I did see Emily. Which was FANTASTIC! I felt like such a bad friend after her surgery that I didnt go see her, I actually felt like the worst friend ever. She told me today that she cried about it. Which isn't so good. Things really did come up, but after today, i know she still hearts me. YAY!

Also some good news, I finally quit Panera. After working for the company for 4 ish years, its about time. Too much drama has happen within panera (mainly the NC one) to have even one positive thought about it. What are you going to do?? I do feel like I have a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I did however get my internship back. I dont know when that will be starting, hopefully soon. My boss is in New York, so when she gets back, maybe she will call me?? hmmm we will see. I am still going to apply to other jobs if stuff falls through. I have just enough money to get through the holidays. It's going to be a skimpy Christmas for everyone. Probably everyone but Steve. It worries me because his mom said he gives bad gifts. hahaha If i get a bad gift then for his 21st birthday he is getting didily squat. Maybe me in a bow!! hahaha he would totally hate that gift.

I have just had coffee overload. Me and a venti white mocha frappaccino with raspberry light with half skip (yes i know a mouth load) finally dated like WOAH. I have the heartburn the prove it.

I am super excited because Jon called to tell me that there is a concert on the 27th. It is going to be Sevendust and Nonpoint in the Palladium. YAY, but I am kind of iffy about it. Im not going to lie, its been forever and day since I have seen the boy. I am definitely going, its just going to awkward... until we get squished. Well my figures are getting cold. so I am done.

Jenn xoxo

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in. (Maybe.)
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. If you don't, bad things will happen to cute little bunnies and puppies.

my you give me strength....


today was a good day. i went to the mall with leslie. i wanted to get some books on tape, but they are way way way too expensive. guess i am screwed in oprah tomorrow. maybe not, we will see. i went to the cook off. of course we didnt win, didnt expect us too.

i wish i could hug you

this week has over all been a good week.

couple weeks will be delta sig formal, kind of excited

<3Jenn

okay now ya'll can be jealous. I AM GOING TO LIVE IN AUSTRALIA FOR A YEAR!!!!

<3Jenn

so i have rotc dining out thingy. pretty much its a formal, minus the music, minus the drinking, and minus the fun?? we will see what happens. atleast i will look hott in my dress. we had greek games this morning, it started to storm so the cancelled it. ohh well, i didnt get to be the house/anchor in tug-o-war. maybe i will work it when it is rescheduled. i have a test in global on monday. i really need to study. that is what my sunday is dedicated to. i am over being at school. i am sick of doing school work. maybe because it is starting to get warmer outside. it is hard to be stuck in a class room when it is 80 degrees outside. welp, i need to go shower.
<3Jenn

okay so i am sitting in the library. want to know something sad, i couldnt figure out to spell library. i had to look on the wall. well i am extremely bored out of my mind. it is mandatory for me to be here because of stupid english class. GRRRRR i hate this class like woah.

news of this week:
monday link week started (week before initiation) our little zeta babies will be sisters soon.

i decided to put everything on the back burner until i pick up my grades in oprah and global.

i quit my job yesterday... what a good time that was

jim was an asshole to me yesterday, what else is new. i do wish he would die in the hands of satan real soon. i never get mad at him but ooo i was seeing red. what pissed me off more was that he was happy to make me mad. he was like this is great, you never get mad at me. it takes a lot to make me mad. grrr

went with eric to a soccer game. he is a good guy.

im going to lie, i was kind of a bitch yesterday. definitely a little snappy. sorry rachel, i know i snapped at you about airband.

mick came over last night and i fell asleep. i am sorry to him for not being a good entertainer.

i miss home like woah. i know the second i get there, i am going to want to leave.

i decided i am going to travel a lot this summer if anyone is up for it. i want to go to upstate new york to visit rachel, long island to visit keith, illinois to visit eric, and north carolina for obvious reasons.

i have been talking to jon a lot late. hmmmmm dont know what to make out of that.

i miss tayla, and i want to get drunk with her.

i want to see sevendust GRRRR. upside though, i am going to see greenday april 20th

weird story, i got a $200 dress for free. some girl that i dont even know that well decided she wanted to buy it. weird. many thanks to her.

saturday i am going to the ROTC formal with young gary. he is a good guy

now i must leave you, dont cry. i have to walk back to the dorm.

LOVE

APPEARANCE:
Hair: brown
Eyes: green
Height: 5'2"
Weight: im a fat ass

STYLE:
clothing: jeans and a polo
bodyart: two tattoos

RIGHT NOW:
wearing: yoga pants and polo
listening to: apple auto sales commercial
thinking of: why am i so uncomfortble with being me
feeling: sad

LAST THING YOU:
bought: food, surprise surprise
read: oprah book
watched on tv: michael jackson special

EITHER / OR:
club or houseparty: houseparty
beer or cider: neither, shots
drinks or shot: shots or mixed drinks
cats or dogs: dogs or cats, i like them both
single or taken: taken, i am a relationship type of girl
pen or pencil: pencil, much smoother to write with
gloves or mittens: mittens
Food or candy: definitely snacks
cassette or cd: cds
coke or pepsi: COKE

WHO DO YOU WANT TO:
kill: right now?? jim
get really wasted with: hands down... tayla
tickle: no one, i hate to be tickled so i wont tickle
look like: lindsey lohan
be like: myself
avoid: being sad

LAST PERSON
talked to: eric
hugged: sully
instant messaged: eric
kissed: eric on the forehead before i put his drunk ass to bed

WHERE DO YOU
eat: RDH
cry: by myself
wish you were: at the gym instead of snacking

HAVE YOU EVER...
Dated one of your best friends? yes
loved somebody so much it makes you cry? yes
Drank alcohol? yes
Done drugs? yes... just pot
Broken the law? only a little bit
Run away from home? attempted a few times
Broken a bone? my ass once
Played Truth Or Dare? yes
Flashed someone? yes
Mooned Someone? YES
Kissed someone you didn't know: yes
Come close to dying? nope

WHAT IS:
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? spice girls
Your bedroom like? my room is dark red and back with light linnens, its hott
Your favorite thing for breakfast? butter milk biscuit with butter and jelly
Your favorite Restaurant? Alacante

dont get to excited yall, its just a survey

A - Accent: to the north i have a southern accent and to the south i have a yank accent. i am having an identity crisis.
B - Breast size: 36 C/D
C - Chore you hate: Dishes
D - Dad's name: Gary (dare i ever type that assholes name... fucking douche)
E - Essential make-up: eye makeup. any and all eye makeup
F - Favorite perfume: dont attack me on this, but the curious perfume. i know i hate britney spears too!
G - Gold or Silver?: silver
H - Hometown: Uxbridge Ma
I - Insomnia: lately, all the time. i got 7 hours last week.
J - Job title: la estudiante
K - Kids: haha no way, colleen aka satan makes me want to throw my uterus into oncomming traffic as it is.
L - Living arrangements: on the sorority floor on campus ZETA TAU ALPHA
M - Mum's birthplace: milford i believe
N - Number of apples you've eaten: sadly, none today
O - Overnight hospital stays: none... it was close this year. i dont know if you could consider six hours in the hospital in the night really an overnight stay.
P - Phobia: rejection and loneliness
Q - Queer/straight: Straight
R - Religious affiliation: baptized catholic, but now, i am my own thing
S - Siblings: two sisters. colleen and elizabeth
T - Time you wake up: lately i cant sleep. go to bed at like god awful times and wake up the second is up. its rough. i dont know what my deal is
U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: a dark black purple thing
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: asparagus... i kind of like veggies though.
W - Worst habit: being overly critical of other people
X - X-rays you've had: ribs, arms, ass (yes i broke the smallest bone in my body), legs. hey if you put all that together, you can make one whole person.
Y - Yummy foods you make: hands down... shnitzle. i can make a mean steak
Z - Zodiac sign: scorpio

well that is all for tonight, i am pretty blah and such, but what are you going to do. i think i season anxiety disorder because lately i am a mess. atleast no one here knows that. i hide it pretty well. i guess just because you are wearing a smile, it doesnt mean you are actually smiling. i missed north carolina over break. i am happy here and dont ever want to leave. i just wish i could pick up people from home and bring them back here, but i cant. i am in love with the dirty south! well i am off to bed because i have an early class.
<3
Jenn

yeah so i am moving out next week to the sorority floor. honestly, i dont know if i am looking forward to it. all my friends are here in the suites. i dont know, we will see what will happen.

jenny and rachel are here. i mean it is kind of weird to have jenny here because i really havent seen her too much since she moved out. and rachel moved out last week and i can already feel us not really talking to much. i feel distant from everyone, well besides the boys. i think that is why it is going to be so hard for me to move. those boys in 220 (mick, pat and possible wes) are who i feel comfortable with. as we are speaking, the two girls are in my room and i felt uncomfortable enough to lock myself in my room. what the hell. it shouldnt be like this. i just want to find one person, male or female, i dont care, who i can connect with. a person i could call my bestfriend. the closest i have to that is cheraya and she is in washington fucking DC. im done trying. if they have a problem, i wish they would just tell me to my face instead of just getting quiet every time i walk into the room.

upside, i am getting a puppy.

im done
~jenn

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't? or saying nothing and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs. Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own....when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to. Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all. Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had. * What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye? *What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there? *What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them? *What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?* People live, but people die.
And I want to tell you that you are a friend. If you died tomorrow , you would be in my heart!!! Would I be in yours? If you care about me as much as I care about you, you will send this back. You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that. So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you. Send this to all your friends, no matter how often you talk, or how close you are, and send it to the person who sent it to you if you consider them a friend as well. Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will. Remember, everyone needs a friend,
someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and .. always will.. I LOVE YOU!!!!